Babysitting

Yesterday I was entrusted with the job babysitting a princess, which is a pleasure really, I love my granddaughter Baby Sloane and I gladly will take care of here anytime. It was for only a couple of hours and I kept her entertained by reading and showing her her little books and had her walking a little and finally took her for a stroll around the Botanical Gardens after which she fell sleep as we approach the house, Junior had just called me to say that they were back. She woke up as we enter the gate and after hearing mommy and daddy talking.Tomorrow is her 11th Month BirthDay.

Baby Sloan

I miss not having baby Sloan in the house (even though Junior and Laura brought her two days ago. I love holding her and playing with her, reading to her, entertaining her, making her laugh. She's an adorable princess. 

She gets excited when I hold her down to walk, she propels herself like ever to not walk but run. 

The Six-day Fasting

I have not ben here in a long time.

The Six-Day Fasting 

This past week and a half has taught me a few things; I have been dealing with some mild depression, a residual effect of the Covid-19 lingering effects (some doctors call it "long Covid"). 

From July 16th thru July 29th I fasted and had nothing but water. I did not plan to diet by fasting, it all happened sort of by accident. About a week and a half prior and after eating a slice of store bought watermelon, I developed diarrhea but it was not severe, it would just manifested once every other day for about 7 or 8 days. I started my vacation on July 8th and boy, it then got worse. For the next few days I was eating only once or twice a day and very light food, mostly salads or organic chips with humus for lunch at work. I didn't get better. So, by the evening of July 15th (a Friday) I decided to withhold all solid food from entering my digestive system, I figured that whatever was making me sick, hopefully it would cease and desist from making me run to the bathroom at any and all hours, I wasn't getting a decent sleep time, because I had to run to the toilet every 1½ to every 2 hours.

The first two and a half to three days were the toughest, because while I was hungry and craved any solid food I repeatedly told myself that food was making me sick, only water was safe. After the 3rd day it got easier and also on the third day I started seeing and feeling this difference in me, I felt lighter and, of course, I did have to go to the bathroom but only to urinate. Most importantly to me was that by the 5th day my mental health improved, I was not in a depressive mood, when just a few days back I always had this feeling of impending doom,  and negative and very pessimistic thoughts about everybody around me, I didn't even wanted to go back to work, although not suicidal, I wasn't seen the point of living, but I have to make a parenthesis here, my only (and temporary) cure to this depression was every time that we had baby Sloan in the house. Anamaria can testify that even if I just got home from work and she was already in the care of grandma, I would hold her in my arms and all my maladies disappeared magically. Then Junior and Laura would come and take her back and Anamaria and I talking to each other said that we already missed baby Sloan just one day after being gone home. She is just like that, she's our sunshine.

Today I still don't feel 100% well, I'm a bit weak and de-energized and is probably because I am  eating light and mostly rice,crackers, applesauce, water and the occasional banana (that's what is recommended for prolonged diarrhea).So I'm sure that my body is missing good nutrients but  I am planning to see a doctor in the next couple of weeks if this thing persists. 

I want and need to be healthy for my grandchildren Damian and baby Sloan.

Finally I also plan to adhere to a better eating lifestyle, not only for the physical benefits but also for the mental wellbeing that I am experiencing right now. Life is good.

How do I begin?

  So, What do I say?

 It's been a year since mother passed and I still feel some confusion, and guilt, and sorrow and pain.

I've mulled over this idea for a long time. I've said mentally what I wanted to put in writing.  But I also wanted to consult with my siblings and ask them if they would be interested in reading my memoirs of my early years. I often tell myself that it's quite possible that nobody gives a damn about what I want to say, or even how I feel and what I think about them all.

I think that should start soon to write in this or my other blogs, small and short episodes of my life in the hopes that it may help somebody free themselves of the emotional burden that sometimes we carry over something said or done with no malice or something that have been done with the purpose of causing hurt and pain in an indirect way.

My hesitancy about exposing my thoughts in writing, obey to the fear of causing an unnecessary and irreversible damage by inflicting pain  and/or discomfort to others.

I, of course, have also a few good memories of my childhood, but I am absolute certain that the bad ones outweighs the good ones. 

Many times I've attempted to start writing the things that I remember as they come to mind. I know I need to make u my mind and decide if I want to do it and get on it, I am 61 years (in two days) and I may not have much time left on earth.

As a result (my personal opinion) of acquiring Covid-19 back in August 1st, 2021, I still have some lingering effects that are sometimes worrisome and sometimes just annoying; pressure headaches that come and go every single day, sometimes are not as strong but sometimes they are debilitating to the point that I just can't function well enough to do my job; fatigue, I get tired of just moving around and often I have to cut my workdays in half when I feel that I am being just a nuisance to my co-workers by getting very moody and very impatient and finding that any noise and the light at the store makes the headaches worse. I have this "brain fog" where I suddenly forget things that I have practicing everyday for years, I'm talking about work procedures on ordering glasses and looking for ways to understand the patients issues when they complain of not being able to see better with their new glasses or contact lenses, on completing paperwork that I've done thousands of times. I find myself asking my colleagues to correct me in doing a task that I've done all the time. I feel very frustrated when I don't see or feel any improvement after taking different medications that have been prescribed to "try to minimize" these Coronavirus lasting effects.

I often feel that I don't want to live any longer. I don't want to get out and ride my bike, I don't see the point in exercising. Why prolong my existence? I don't have the will to live or to keep living. I don't feel suicidal, there's a difference there. I just don't want to keep seeing doctors that can't tell me what's wrong with me and why can't they help me get rid of these issues.

Hell, just writing this has been an exertion, mental and otherwise. So let's stop here.